It’s the most wonderful time of the year…?

 
The holidays bring up many mixed emotions. There are feelings of excitement, joy and love but his time of year can also stir up a lot of stress, anxiety and sadness. If you’re struggling to conceive or have experienced pregnancy loss it can be a particularly difficult time.
 
The holidays are hyper focused on children and family. With so much expectation to feel genuine joy around the holidays this can be a very difficult time of year if you’re struggling with fertility issues, grief and loss. Your extended family may or may not know about your struggles to conceive and even the most innocent comments can cut like a knife. Christmas cards, family photos and letters that update you on your friend’s and families’ lives are well intentioned and appreciated but can be a constant reminder that you’re still waiting for your little one…
 
Here are a few things you can do to take good care of yourself this season:
 

1. Get grounded. When you’re grounded in body and mind, you’re present. Take some quiet time to get centered before family gatherings. Practice meditating 5-10 minutes in the morning or at night (try the free meditation app Insight Timer). Attend a restorative yoga class, bundle up and take a walk around the lake, get some bodywork, make sure to get enough sleep and eat nourishing meals. Taking care of yourself will help you to feel more grounded and better equipped to establish healthy boundaries this holiday season.
   
   
2. Get real. Just remember that despite the season, you are ALWAYS entitled to feel how you really feel. Put cultural and seasonal expectations aside and give yourself permission to be exactly where you are. Take some quite time to check in with yourself and let your true feelings come up. If you feel joy that’s great, if you feel sad acknowledge those feelings and make space for them. Unexpressed grief often comes out as anxiety, irritability and detachment, which can make it difficult to feel connected to those we love. Make time for open and honest conversations with your partner and don’t be afraid to seek out a counselor to help you through the hard times. *PHA Wellness has a great team of counselors who specialize in fertility, grief and loss. Contact info: 612-296-3800 | phawellness.com 
   
   
3. Give yourself permission to say, “NO.” You don’t have to attend every party and gift exchange you’re invited to. Let go of that sense of obligation and fear of missing out. Choose the gatherings you REALLY want to go to and give a big fat NO thanks to the rest. When you force yourself to do things you don’t want to do, the people around you pick up on your energy. So, honor your needs and opt out if it doesn’t feel like fun.
   
   
4. Disengage in social media. Social media is ever present in our lives and plays a huge role in creating unrealistic expectations of constant happiness and perfection. Images are very powerful and it’s easy to forget that the things you see and read on social media are most often just contrived moments in time. Any mommy blogger with 5 kids dressed perfectly and a spotless house is a total bull-shitter. Images of perfect families are hard to digest when the picture at home looks different. Try to remember that you don’t know everyone’s story. Pregnancy announcements may or may not come with a loaded backstory. At least 1 in 8 couples are struggling with fertility issues, so even if it looks like it “just happened” it might not be true. I fully encourage you to do a massive ‘unfollow’ on all of your social media accounts. Pay close attention to how you feel when you look at different personal and business accounts and delete anything that doesn’t add value. I delete accounts immediately when I notice feeling bad about myself or my life. If it’s a friend or family member and you don’t want to offend just hide their feed.
   
   
5. Get support from someone who truly understands. Your friends and family may have the best intentions of providing you with love and support but no one can truly understand how it feels to struggle with fertility better than someone who’s been through it. Fruitful Fertility was founded by wonder woman, Elyse Ash. After experiencing her own fertility struggles Elyse was inspired to create a free support system to match people who are trying to conceive with mentors who have been through the struggle and made it through to the other side. The mentors at Fruitful Fertility know the deep pain of struggling with infertility. They are there to listen with a compassionate and understanding ear, to remind you that you’re not crazy, and to be your personal cheerleader as you navigate your way through the path of becoming a parent. Check Fruitful Fertility out here: fruitfulfertility.org

 
I hope these tips help get you through the holiday season. Remember to be gentle with yourself and to take time to find joy in the little things. Come back to your breath and the present moment as often as possible. Trust the timing of your life and honor your unique journey. You are truly amazing and you really are doing a wonderful job- I promise.

And with that, I’m sending you lots of love, support and light as we transition into the New Year!
 
Meghan
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